Thursday, December 19, 2013

Some Moms...All Moms...Super Moms

I know I have seen at least 5 of my mom friends post this, just today, and many similar viral blog posts before but I'm going to hopefully offer a different perspective. One that's taken me about...31 years to figure out. I have a problem with these bashing super mom articles because I'm not into bashing "super mom" just as much as I am not into praising whatever isn't "super mom."  However, I am into bashing the idea that is in my head and in your head of whatever it is you think "super mom" is.

First off, what is a super mom anyway? Answer: it's an image that you yourself have created in your mind of what a great, super mom is. What I think is a super mom might be and probably is different than what you think is a super mom. You might think a super mom is someone who is 100% green and organic. I don't. Sorry. you might think a super mom is someone who clips the most coupons and makes gourmet meals for pennies on the dollar. I kind of think that's actually pretty cool. LOL. But, you get it, right? Just like we all have our likes and dislikes, we all have our own images and feelings on a subject, especially this.

The way I see it, since everyone's idea of what constitutes a super mom is different, then that means the problem lies within ourselves. That means we have to be honest with ourselves and STOP COMPARING and START EMBRACING. Embrace yourself just how God made you. He made everyone so different. Yes, people have similar likes and dislikes but he gifted us with certain talents and certain talents he did not. That's a good thing. God wonderfully made each of us! I'm unlike anyone else (some of you may be saying amen to that - ha!) and you are unlike anyone else. In the end, it's up to us whether we buy into the idea that there even IS a super mom. 

I don't want, nor is my intention, to sound mean or rude but, it's not another mom's fault that you are comparing yourself to her. Do not get me wrong though....I'm guilty of comparing myself sometimes, a lot of times, but that doesn't give me the right to bash that "super mom" and then brag about how cool it is that I DON'T do what she does. She might find something so fun and exciting and she gets JOY out of cooking a homemade meal from scratch. Another mom might find JOY in hand making something and because you don't that's okay. One mom might find JOY in snapping pictures and another mom says, "I don't. I'm not good at. Let's call a photographer." It's hard not to compare, I know first hand, but I know I'm happier when I'm glad for other people's successes and am fulfilled when I'm satisfied with my own talents and successes; not expecting approval from anyone else.

Some moms LOVE hand making every single item that they have at a party and they love throwing parties. I fall into that category. I don't do it to keep up or one up or to make people feel better or worse but I do it because I freaking love it!!!!!! Some moms might think that is totally stupid and ridiculous or they don't like that stuff so they either hire someone to do it for them or they instead go to Party City and buy plastic table covers, utensils, etc...and they are happy with that. If they aren't happy with that then it isn't okay to then blame the mom who is.

Some moms are going to buy ALL organic food and cloth diaper their children and post articles on the pros of doing so. Some moms, be it they can't afford it or they just "don't get it," aren't going to do that. I personally fall somewhere in between. I sometimes buy organic and sometimes I don't. I eat red meat and feed it to my kids and I make mac and cheese. great. some moms don't. That's awesome.

Some moms breastfeed, some moms don't. Neither mom should be made to feel guilty about their decision! No mom, that I know, would want something that isn't the best for their child. One might breastfeed because they can't afford formula. One might do formula because they physically can't breastfeed. But, you don't know the reason so if you see someone breastfeeding; they might HAVE to and they aren't doing it to be a "super mom. And, the formula feeding mom might feel so guilty already and then in someone strolls, "oh you aren't breastfeeding??" You just don't know if someone is doing something to be "super mom" or because they have to, or want to!  

Some moms buy the jarred baby food some moms home puree it. I'm a Gerber jar baby food mom. Great. A lot of my friends I see on FB have the time and talent to make homemade baby good. That's awesome. I feel like I don't have the time but if I did I honestly probably wouldn't make my own baby food. :/ You might think that mom who does is super mom. Don't. She probably thinks something you do makes you super mom.

Some moms have babies all natural without drugs (the super mom?) and some moms don't. Does that make the baby more special or the mom better? no way! Both moms had to carry their babies for 9 months, both had different ways their babies entered the world but both have to recover from it. One mom might have a swollen who-who (is our word for it) and the other might have a 6-8 inch scar that is also pretty painful. Neither mom is made better through the way they deliver. Know that.

Some moms choose to and are financially able to stay home. Are they better, and more of a super mom, than the mom who goes to work and drops their kids off at the best daycare they could find or afford. Neither wants bad for their child; their circumstances are just different. I find myself comparing myself to stay at home moms. And, then I remind myself to stop it. While they never get a break, neither do I. I have to get up at 5 and get myself and two kids out the door, work 9 hours, miss my babies and still have dinner and laundry and all that. The stay at home mom might also get up at 5 am. They have to fill their precious baby's time with some activities and that probably means sacrificing a lot, a lot of me time. They also have laundry and cleaning to do. neither is a super mom. Each mom can boast because they are each doing the best they can, aren't they?

Some moms send their kids to public school and go to work. Some moms send their kids to private school and work. Or stay home. Some choose to homeschool. Is the super mom the one who homeschools? Or is your idea of the super mom the private school mom? Each is doing what they feel is right for their family. No one is super mom over the other.

I think, for our own happiness and sanity, we have to embrace our own talents and do what WE love doing. Do what God made US to do. Whatever that may be. Just as the Bible says do not conform to this world I think that can be applied here - do not conform to what your friend or sister or neighbor is doing. Do what you love doing. Use the talents God gave YOU! Do not blame other moms who were also made by God, and also made completely different from you, because they do something that in your head constitutes super mom. What if it brings them that JOY? What do you find JOY in? What things are YOU good at? I think that God probably hurts when he hears us say, "that person is better than me" and he hears us mentally compare ourselves to one another. I think he hurts because he sees all the talents he gave you that you are over looking or aren't using because you are trying to be the image of super mom in your head.Let's each of us moms pray for God to reveal our talents and then use them to bring honor to him!

Galations 6:4 says, "Anyone think they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load." I'm going to make this my own focus verse when I start to see someone who I think is a super mom and I start bashing my own self, or start bashing that mom for doing whatever it is. Let us lift one another up - even the "super moms." Why would we bash someone for doing something good for their kids just because we haven't or don't want to? Good job super moms! Good job regular (although you're a super mom too!) moms. Why should we bash ourselves because we think we aren't measuring up to the "super mom?" idea we have in our head? Good job ALL MOMS! Your kids love you no matter if there is Kraft mac and cheese or homemade mac and cheese on the table. That truth, our love for one another, and our life through Christ, is what we need to lift up rather than getting frustrated with ourselves or other moms.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Wow we must have dine something right when we raised you sweetie. I love your attitude and I think both of my daughters are super moms.

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