I answered a response question from my Bible study this morning and it made me realize just how selfish and demanding I am when it comes to my relationship with the Lord. I have been praying, wishing and hoping for a third baby for over a year and a half now. While to some that's a drop in the waiting-for-a baby bucket, it is still hard. But, I keep waiting for this blessing...selfishly waiting, not considering His promises and ALL that he has already done in my life.
I think back to a time I made God wait. The entire DECADE God waited for me to return home. I lived how I wanted, in sin and darkness for over 10 years. I am still not out of the pit yet, I'll never be perfect, but I think sometimes if I am good enough, or if I try hard enough then God will finally bless me. I'm sure it's the same with everyone. There's something in your life you want or think you need and if we just stay on this right track then it will be given to us. I think back to those dark years in my life and I see many times where God literally spared my life from myself and my own stupid decisions that put my life or the life of others in danger. I had no guilt or shame. Yet, God pursued me. He kept searching for me. I kept turning away and He kept showing up.
A pastor I heard on the radio once said,
"Sin will take you further than you planned to go, cost you more than you planned to pay and keep you longer than you planned to stay." I was living that life. What started out as fun, "innocent" parties with friends, ended in ugly, messy, legally expensive and soul costly problems that I don't care to even think about.
I am so thankful that God waited for me for a decade. I'm thankful he didn't give up. I'm thankful He kept pursuing me. I'm thankful He didn't leave me in that dark place. Great is His faithfulness.
